I will be the first to say that I am not necessarily a fan of change. I do realize change can be good....but that doesn't mean I'm too into it....Once I get used to something....I like things to stay that way....unless of course things are really bad....LOL
This being said, it seems like change is always occuring in my life. And although I don't like it....sometimes I'm thrown into it kicking and screaming....I still go with it....because really I have no choice....
And I know there are some things I won't like. And some things I will. There are some things I will miss. And some I can't wait to forget....but I truly believe in signs....and some things being to meant to be. So if this change is supposed to happen. Then so be it....
Who am I to fight fate, destiny, God....
But whatever happens....I will still pursue my dreams....try to reach all my goals....and live each day as a gift, because really....that's what it is....
I think I'm done for now....I must go off and catch up on my magazine reading....she says while thinking how the hell am I a pop culture expert who hasn't read any of the 30 or so magazines piling up on her night stand since April....shameful I know....the master procrastinator strikes again....I'm working on it! Jeez!
And I'm done....
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Hmmm....really Kitt?
I would say that I'm ashamed of the fact that I haven't blogged in over a month....I would, but really....I'm actually used to it by now....my procrastination is a nasty little demon I have to get under control! I think I'm going to google a 12 step program, because I sincerely have a problem with it....I mean seriously. I haven't written in anything in about nearly 3 weeks....it's quite pitiful for someone claiming to be a writer. I'm stressed (but that's nothing new, so it shouldn't stop my process), I'm busy (but no busier than usual), I'm sad (one of my friends died....a really good dude, but that's no excuse, he'd be telling me to get my arse up and write already!) So that's what I'm doing....well blogging....so I can vent....so I can write....properly....
Okay....here we go world (or really the few who grace my blog with their presence....you are greatly appreciated...)
What's really pissing me off right now is....ME! So I am really disappointed in myself for not working up to my full potential. But this is literally old news, so that's all I'm gonna say about that....Chick (she says talking to herself) please get it (it being whatever is not together @ the moment, and trust me this is a variety of things) together....now....today....A.S.A.P. I'm done...with that....
Other things they have been irritatiion as of late....
People who say they are your friends, but they are really not. Over the past couple of weeks I have been discussing this phenomenon of late....really its been happening as long as there have been friendships....but for me the subject has come up....again. I used to think I was pretty good @ dissecting my real friends from the not so real....sadly I have discovered, I am not as good as I once thought. While I am good @ getting rid of the totally obvious ones....there are certain people who've had me fooled...well no more! Out the door you go....I'm feeling like Jay-Z....on to the next....
What about the people I don't keep up with, that I should?.... We've been out of touch for no other reason than I constantly put things and people off...until tomorrow or next week or next month, and sadly sometimes next year. I've officially learned my lesson....one of the best (not perfect, because really no one walking this earth is) people I've known in this world, like ever.....died 3 weeks and 2 days ago.....& devastated isn't the word....I can't even think of what I am....but Mike taught me a lot things in the decade plus that we knew each other....the last thing he taught/showed me was...that if someone is really important to you, make the effort to spend time with them more often. And if someone really doesn't give a damn about you....do something nearly effortless, like get rid of them....save yourself a lot of heartache, and gain a ton more happiness....that lesson is learned....4 sho....(inside joke :-))
The last of my irritations.....people who say one thing and then do the other! What is that? Either you do it or you don't....Don't make me a promise and the back out with no explanation. I know stuff happens....things change....but @ least have the common courtesy to give me an explanation!!! I'd give you one, if the shoe were on the other foot....
So I'm done....for today....and here's hoping that I keep up with my blogging on a fairly regular basis...fingers crossed....
Okay....here we go world (or really the few who grace my blog with their presence....you are greatly appreciated...)
What's really pissing me off right now is....ME! So I am really disappointed in myself for not working up to my full potential. But this is literally old news, so that's all I'm gonna say about that....Chick (she says talking to herself) please get it (it being whatever is not together @ the moment, and trust me this is a variety of things) together....now....today....A.S.A.P. I'm done...with that....
Other things they have been irritatiion as of late....
People who say they are your friends, but they are really not. Over the past couple of weeks I have been discussing this phenomenon of late....really its been happening as long as there have been friendships....but for me the subject has come up....again. I used to think I was pretty good @ dissecting my real friends from the not so real....sadly I have discovered, I am not as good as I once thought. While I am good @ getting rid of the totally obvious ones....there are certain people who've had me fooled...well no more! Out the door you go....I'm feeling like Jay-Z....on to the next....
What about the people I don't keep up with, that I should?.... We've been out of touch for no other reason than I constantly put things and people off...until tomorrow or next week or next month, and sadly sometimes next year. I've officially learned my lesson....one of the best (not perfect, because really no one walking this earth is) people I've known in this world, like ever.....died 3 weeks and 2 days ago.....& devastated isn't the word....I can't even think of what I am....but Mike taught me a lot things in the decade plus that we knew each other....the last thing he taught/showed me was...that if someone is really important to you, make the effort to spend time with them more often. And if someone really doesn't give a damn about you....do something nearly effortless, like get rid of them....save yourself a lot of heartache, and gain a ton more happiness....that lesson is learned....4 sho....(inside joke :-))
The last of my irritations.....people who say one thing and then do the other! What is that? Either you do it or you don't....Don't make me a promise and the back out with no explanation. I know stuff happens....things change....but @ least have the common courtesy to give me an explanation!!! I'd give you one, if the shoe were on the other foot....
So I'm done....for today....and here's hoping that I keep up with my blogging on a fairly regular basis...fingers crossed....
Monday, September 14, 2009
She Writes....
Have you ever proclaimed yourself to be something? Something important; interesting? You know, used an adjective that describes who you are or what you do? Someone or something that is "special?" It can be anything really, like singing, dancing, or perhaps the super genius that can do the entire crossword puzzle....in ink. Whatever it is, its your thing, and you are more than good at it....you are ah-mazing at it.....Everyone has a thing, and if you don't, you should really get started on figuring out what yours is, it definitely makes you more interesting.
I have a few things.....I am obsessed with POP CULTURE....and for some reason I always seem to know random bits of info. My long term memory is kind of awesome as well, I can sometimes remember exact dates and times of events that happened 20 years ago.....and I write....I am essentially a writer.....
The only thing is lately, I haven't been writing too much of anything. And I could make excuses and say I'm too busy or haven't been inspired or my computer has been down, but none of those are true. I've been a combo or procrastinator/lazy ass/scaredy cat......I procrastinate, because, well its just what I do. Lazy---sometimes I just don't feel like it....honest that's even an excuse, its just the reason. Scared, because well, if I actually finish this book I've been talking about for over 2 years, and I'm not the next Jennifer Weiner or someone equally great, I don't know what I'll do. Its not even about the masses reading it....its about whoever does read it, thinking its crap.....and while I think I'm a pretty good writer, and terrified of finding out that I'm not.....
Its kind of dishonest in a way to call yourself a writer when the last thing you actually sat down and wrote was a note on facebook.....I'm not even sure that counts, because I was mostly venting. I mean that's fine, but as I said earlier, I'm supposed to be writing a book. An honest to God, real life book of fiction, creating characters, and weaving a story so impeccably written, as soon as the reader is done, they want to read something else by the novelist....me! But sadly, I haven't looked @ my book....I can't even say, I'm so ashamed. Its been awhile. But doesn't mean, I don't think about it everyday, and jot down ideas down....and think of some amazing dialouge. But does that really matter, if I don't put pen to paper....or rather hand to keys and get this thing crackin????
My procrastination tactics are infamous....I mean the last thing I completed in a timely manner was getting my bachelor of arts.....and that was 4.5 years ago....so I'm decided to get back to my writing, I should start with blogging again.....
But all my stalling and procrastinating is really about something bigger than me just putting things off. As I said earlier, I'm afraid I'm just no good....And wouldn't that be depressing if I've been talking about I'm a writer, and the first big thing I write is kinda bad.....crap....Besides being scared is better than being lazy, right? I mean at least I have a valid excuse for not writing, other than, I just wasn't feeling it!
You know, I'm beginning to think of laziness as some type of disease, that I caught....now I need the antibiotics or whatever, because I have to get rid of this thing....quick! Who am I kidding? That cure is getting off my lazy bum, and writing......that's it....Oh yeah. and making it good!
So that's where I am, right now--what do I need to do to get where I want to be? Its simple really, I need to discipline myself....I have to actually write something, and then I can figure out how to get people to read it! But this brings up another whole mess of problems....These are my 3 distinct fears:
1) I will never be motivated to write (which is weird when I talk about is writing)
2) When I do start writing consistently (that's my optimistic side), no one is really going to care, because my writing is subpar....or
3) Or I could write something really great, and no one would read it.
So I'm @ this point of do I believe in my abilities and keep it moving or do I just do something else? Something I know, I would be successful doing? I'm smart, so I know I could various things, and be good--I could be a teacher, a business woman, a librarian (clearly I have a thing about books). But I know that I'm not going to be happy with myself until I complete at least one book, and see what happens form there....
So here I am writing---blogging, but at least I'm getting into the swing of things again..............1
I have a few things.....I am obsessed with POP CULTURE....and for some reason I always seem to know random bits of info. My long term memory is kind of awesome as well, I can sometimes remember exact dates and times of events that happened 20 years ago.....and I write....I am essentially a writer.....
The only thing is lately, I haven't been writing too much of anything. And I could make excuses and say I'm too busy or haven't been inspired or my computer has been down, but none of those are true. I've been a combo or procrastinator/lazy ass/scaredy cat......I procrastinate, because, well its just what I do. Lazy---sometimes I just don't feel like it....honest that's even an excuse, its just the reason. Scared, because well, if I actually finish this book I've been talking about for over 2 years, and I'm not the next Jennifer Weiner or someone equally great, I don't know what I'll do. Its not even about the masses reading it....its about whoever does read it, thinking its crap.....and while I think I'm a pretty good writer, and terrified of finding out that I'm not.....
Its kind of dishonest in a way to call yourself a writer when the last thing you actually sat down and wrote was a note on facebook.....I'm not even sure that counts, because I was mostly venting. I mean that's fine, but as I said earlier, I'm supposed to be writing a book. An honest to God, real life book of fiction, creating characters, and weaving a story so impeccably written, as soon as the reader is done, they want to read something else by the novelist....me! But sadly, I haven't looked @ my book....I can't even say, I'm so ashamed. Its been awhile. But doesn't mean, I don't think about it everyday, and jot down ideas down....and think of some amazing dialouge. But does that really matter, if I don't put pen to paper....or rather hand to keys and get this thing crackin????
My procrastination tactics are infamous....I mean the last thing I completed in a timely manner was getting my bachelor of arts.....and that was 4.5 years ago....so I'm decided to get back to my writing, I should start with blogging again.....
But all my stalling and procrastinating is really about something bigger than me just putting things off. As I said earlier, I'm afraid I'm just no good....And wouldn't that be depressing if I've been talking about I'm a writer, and the first big thing I write is kinda bad.....crap....Besides being scared is better than being lazy, right? I mean at least I have a valid excuse for not writing, other than, I just wasn't feeling it!
You know, I'm beginning to think of laziness as some type of disease, that I caught....now I need the antibiotics or whatever, because I have to get rid of this thing....quick! Who am I kidding? That cure is getting off my lazy bum, and writing......that's it....Oh yeah. and making it good!
So that's where I am, right now--what do I need to do to get where I want to be? Its simple really, I need to discipline myself....I have to actually write something, and then I can figure out how to get people to read it! But this brings up another whole mess of problems....These are my 3 distinct fears:
1) I will never be motivated to write (which is weird when I talk about is writing)
2) When I do start writing consistently (that's my optimistic side), no one is really going to care, because my writing is subpar....or
3) Or I could write something really great, and no one would read it.
So I'm @ this point of do I believe in my abilities and keep it moving or do I just do something else? Something I know, I would be successful doing? I'm smart, so I know I could various things, and be good--I could be a teacher, a business woman, a librarian (clearly I have a thing about books). But I know that I'm not going to be happy with myself until I complete at least one book, and see what happens form there....
So here I am writing---blogging, but at least I'm getting into the swing of things again..............1
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